I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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