dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
