you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
