hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
home. puking in laundry basket.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
