Do you still have your period?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
