I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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