The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
