yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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