4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
