absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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