My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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