it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
