I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
