Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
