Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
