What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
