well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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