I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
