I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
