I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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