Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
