Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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