Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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