I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Let's get the cat blown out
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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