dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
