Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
