i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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