Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
