I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
