I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
