i don't like sucking hair
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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