Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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