Sry I called you an 8
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
