I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
