I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
