Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
two words...techno handjob
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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