I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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