Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I understand Curling. That high.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
