I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
