I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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