He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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