Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
