Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
