im drinking this country out of the recession.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
