I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize