why didn't you poke me back
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
