I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
