Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
