I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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