this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
