I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
