I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I want a musical about memes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
