Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
