They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
