..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
