I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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