The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
