Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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