He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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