Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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