I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
