Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
