and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize