My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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