My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
