i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
