i may or may not be watching the land before time
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
