Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
