if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
