you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
