sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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