Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We left the knife in your bed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
