i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
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Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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