So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
