...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
