just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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