I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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