Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
