i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
