How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
