Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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