Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
